For A Reason

They say “everything happens for a reason.” They also say “what goes around comes around.” These phrases imply that if you’re a good person, good things will come to you, and if you’re a bad person, bad things will come to you. This concept is also known as the Golden Rule or getting “a taste of your own medicine.”– I think its bullshit.

Bad things happen to good people. Good things happen to the most corrupt people in the world. There is no algorithm in blessings, no formula to a miracle, and no reason for tragedies. I try to be a good person at every opportunity possible, and I’m not saying doing good is completely pointless…with that mentality our world would likely turn to purge-mode. The point I am trying to make, however, is that we don’t have to justify the trauma in our lives.

When I was in second grade, my best friend and classmate passed away from a car accident. More recently, the little boy who was supposed to be my cousin was birthed a still-born baby. And most recently, (as in yesterday) I found out a boy from my eighth grade class committed suicide after murdering his father. Normally I wouldn’t write these things with any details, or write them at all for that matter, but I figure that identifying the kids who never got the chance to grow up is the best way to keep their spirits alive.

Last night, when I was on the phone with my mom, she told me “everything happens for a reason.” My immediate reaction was “I don’t know,” but after thinking about it as I tossed and turned all night–tasting my own tears and feeling a knot in my chest–I came to this conclusion: bad things do not happen for a reason, but it is possible to make something good from the bad.

The tragedy itself is the “happening,” not the good that comes from it. The good does not come unless you search for it. In second grade, my best friend’s death brought strength to her family and a bond between me and my classmates that we will forever remember. Her family, however, could have just as easily split apart–her brother could have resented their mother forever, her parents could have split–but they came together and chose not to let such a traumatic event tear their family. Disaster is spontaneous, it is not premeditated; it its the events that follow where we find ourselves choosing purpose or paralysis.

I hope we all can find our own form of peace and stop sugarcoating our pain with cliches and the six degrees of separation.

As for me, I’m still deciding what to do with my hurt. So, stay tuned to see the peace I will make for myself or the purpose I will mold from the mess.